I was waiting to wake Lucas up this morning when I chanced to look at the calendar, and realized that I’ll be 40 years old in 20 days. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. I still feel like the stupid kid surfing naked on a turned over table being pulled behind a bateau on Cocodrie Bayou in Lone Pine. I’m not mature enough to be 40. 40 is OLD. People that are 40 aren’t fun. They watch tv in recliners every night and fall asleep reading the newspaper. My grandparents were forty once, and they were old before I was even born. But it’s true. I’m about to be old, and I’ve lived longer than a few friends ever had a chance to, sadly.
And that realization was shortly followed by what exactly have I spent it on? I’m not rich, I’m not a powerful man like I always thought I’d one day be, and I’m definitely not on a career path. Then I realized what I spent it on. Of course. I’m a romantic, I spent it on women. On LOVE. Intensely. So much focus. So much attention. And every time I got the girl, at least for a little while. I think I’ve loved 4 times in my life, really loved. Not infatuation, and not just attraction, but loved. I put myself second to those 4 women and never really had a choice in the matter because it’s what my heart wanted. In each case, I tried not to love them, but I was just fooling myself. I’m 40 years old next month, and I’ve intensely loved 4 women in my lifetime. Not too shabby, old son. Not too shabby at all. A life well lived is a life spent loving.
And because it’s my blog, I’m posting some youtube songs that remind me of each of them. They all hurt at the end, but I was alive and hyper aware of the sun shining and birds singing while they lasted. So thank you ladies. Thank you for a wonderful first half of my life. 🙂